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Shop Locally? I Don’t Think So!

Conversation heard while trying (unsuccessfully) to checkout after shopping.

Checkout Clerk(CC): Good afternoon. Did you find everything you were looking for?
Customer(CU): Yes, and then some as usual!
CC: I know how that is. I go into a store for a gallon of milk and come out with a five course dinner, a new pair of shoes, and a 40″ TV set!
CU: Well, I don’t have it that badly, but I have been known to pick up an extra set of table coasters or something like that…
CC: Uh yeah, right. Oh! You’re pregnant! When are you due?
CU: In March. Just getting a few things for the baby.
CC: Well, you picked a great time to shop. We’re liquidating everything in the store. I can’t imagine why the store failed. We have all the best toys and stuff for kids. And we’re located right next to the mall, so it isn’t as if people couldn’t find us. But it is what it is. Let’s ring you up.
CU: Thanks. I heard about you closing down which is why I came out. Sure seems to be a lot of people here! It’s hard to imagine why you are closing.
CC: Oh, I know. But for some reason, nobody was shopping here until word got out that we were closing and now look, lines at every register!
CC: (Scans a few items, stopping at some sheets.) Oh, these are just darling! They are going to look so good on the baby’s bed. Boy or girl?
CU: A girl. We’re going to name her Jessica after my husband’s mother. I wanted to name her after my grandmother, but my husband didn’t think ‘Mildred’ was a good name for a girl. Too old fashioned.
CC: Hmph! Men. Mildred may be a touch out of date, but shorten it to Millie and it’s Thoroughly Modern! Get it? Thoroughly Modern Millie? I crack myself up.
CU: (mumbles)Yeah, I got it. And it’s sorta why he didn’t want the name. I’m starting to see his point.
CC: What honey?
CU: Oh, just that there’s no point in arguing. Besides, it scores points with the mother-in-law.
CC: That’s never a bad thing! (Scans a couple more items.) Oh, wait. Didn’t I already scan this? I think I already scanned this once. Let me check. Yes, I did. Here it is on the tape, I need to get a manager over to void this off. Hang on a second. (Grabs microphone) Manager to reg…
CU: No! Wait! I got three of these.
CC: What?
CU: I got three of them so you scanned one before but there are still two more to scan.
CC: Are you sure? (looks in the bag.) Yep, here it is. (Grabs microphone.) Cancel manager call!
CC: Scans remaining order. Okay, your total was $283 before the sale prices and it’s now $213. You saved $70. Not too shabby.
CU: That doesn’t sound right. I think something didn’t get the sale price applied.
CC: Hmm, let me look. (fumbles with register to generate tape copy and studies copy) Here’s one item that doesn’t have a discount showing. Hang on for a minute. (Grabs microphone) Manager to register 2.

5 minutes pass.

Manager(MAN): What’s the problem?
CC: This item didn’t discount.
MAN: Okay, let’s see what the problem is. (Looks at the tape, then searches for the item in the bag.) So this package of diapers is $24.99 and it rang up for $24.99 and no discount. Alrighty then, let’s just do a manual override…By the Way, when are you due?
CU: In March.
MAN: Boy or girl? I love my little girls. They just make life worth living.
CU: A little girl.
CC:: They’re naming her Jessica after the daddy’s mother instead of Mildred. Don’t you think Mildred would be a good name for a little girl?
MAN: Sure! I have an Aunt Mildred. We call her Aunt Millie.
CC: How thoroughly modern of you!(Cackles. The Manager doesn’t get it. I sigh.)
CU: (Looks back at me apologetically)
MAN: okay, so, we just apply the 20% discount and your total is now $208. If I can do anything else for you, let me know. (He walks off a few steps, stops and says loudly “Thoroughly Modern Millie! I get it. That’s funny.)

CC: He’s a good guy but a little slow on the uptake some times. Now, where were we. Oh yeah, your order comes to $208. Will that be cash or credit card?
CU: Do you have a baby registry here?
CC: Oh, yes, but since the store is closing, we aren’t taking any new registrations.
CU: Sure, I get that, but I just want to apply these purchases to the registry so I don’t get duplicates.
CC: Ohhh. Okay. Do you have your registry number?
CU: No. Can you look it up?
CC: Sure. It will only take a moment. What’s your name?
CU:(Gives CC her name. A few seconds pass.)
CC: Here it is. Okay, now I’ll just run this order against the registry and…wait for it…okay, two of the items you purchased were on the registry.
CU: Okay, thanks. Now, I have a couple of discount cards. Can I use those?
CC: Sure. Where are they?
CU: I have them on my phone. Let me find them.

(A minute or so later)

CU: Here it is! (Hands phone to CC who scans it.)
CC: It says this card has already been used.
CU: So how much is still on it?
CC: No, it’s been used up already. Nothing is left.
CU: Well that doesn’t sound right. Let me see that.(Looks at her phone) Oh yeah, I remember now, I did use that one. Let me find the other one. I’m sorry that this is taking so long.
CC: No problem. I’ve got nothing but time.

Since I didn’t want to be there when the baby was delivered, I put my items on the counter and left.

When I got home, I sat down at this very computer, punched up Amazon, found the items I’d been looking for and ordered them. They’ll be here on Saturday, which, based on my experience in that checkout line, is faster than I would have gotten them otherwise.

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